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THE WARRING WEEPIES

Evolution allows only like species to reproduce. The horse and the donkey, skating on the edge of their own genome, produce only mules. The elephant and the donkey have arrived at a similar position on the evolutionary chart. Unfortunately, it is ordained that we be the issue of that unholy, unnatural pairing, the floppy eared, slow moving beast of burden that can be led anywhere: “We the People” (Weepies). They have us exactly where they want us, to wit:

Both the elephant and the donkey sought to rule the menagerie. They curried favor among the other animals in order to advance their individual lust for power. These supposed rivals were at such odds with each other that it did not occur to the others that they were becoming more and more attracted to each other.

The elephant claimed it did not believe in evolution, while at the same time running off into the woods with the donkey. Despite its storied stubbornness, the donkey, so intrigued by the brood of weepies they produced, just could not resist the elephant’s advances.

The weepies are led to believe that the constant bickering between their parents is motivated by each of them wanting to do the most for their offspring. The controversy causes a rift among the weepies. Some take the side of the elephant; the others take the side of the donkey. The parents allow the sibling rivalry because they find it makes it easier to control two competing groups, rather than having to deal with a unified chorus of whining weepies.

This change took place in the menagerie so imperceptively that the other animals failed to notice—before it was too late. By then, the elephant and the donkey had sneaked out of the cage, slammed the door behind them, and set about to rule the whole animal kingdom—with the contrived collusion of their unsuspecting, ever-warring, GOP/DEM-whipped weepies!

Moral: No matter which one you claim--the elephant or the donkey--you still get screwed!