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GEORGE WHO?

CAMPAIGN AIDE: Senator McCain, Mr. George Smith is on the line. He says he is a high-placed supporter, and that he has a sure-fire scheme to get you over the top.
McCAIN: OK, put him on. – McCain here.
CALLER: Hey, John, this is George Bush.
McCAIN: George who?
BUSH: George Bush, dummy. Don’t you reco’nize ma voice?
McCAIN: Yeah, but they said--
BUSH: Ah know, Ah know; Ah wanted to be sure of gettin’ through.
McCAIN: Look at the time. It’s been nice talking to you, Mr. President--
BUSH: Wait a minute, John. Didn’t they tell you that Ah got a sure-fire plan?
McCAIN: Yeah, but that was before--
BUSH: Now, John, Ah know you may still be ticked off by that nasty little business down there in South Carolina, but the plan Ah got is for all of us Republicans.
McCAIN: All of us who?
BUSH: You are runnin’ on the Republican ticket, John. You may not want me around, but people still know you are a Republican.
McCAIN: Gotta go, Mr. President--
BUSH: Wait, John; you ain’t heard the plan yet.
McCAIN: What’s that, Mr. President?
BUSH: Ah’m buyin’ up the country for you, John.
McCAIN: You’re doing what?
BUSH: If we Republicans own everythin’, then, they’ll have to elect you.
McCAIN: Own everything?
BUSH: Ain’t you been readin’ the newspapers, John? I bought up Bear Stears, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mack—plus AIG. That’ll make them fancy furriners take notice.
McCAIN: But, Mr. President, that’s socialism, and--
BUSH: Ah know, Ah know; that way, you’ll be able to draw votes from that commie, rag-head Obama. You’ll have out-socialized him. With us controllin’ Wall Street, they’ll have to elect you.
McCAIN: What do you mean, “us?”
BUSH: Us Republicans, dummy. Don’t you know what party you represent, John?
McCAIN: Uh, I’m a maverick, Mr. President--
BUSH: Maverick, my ass! This is ol’ Georgie Boy you’re talkin’ to. Don’t try that “maverick” shit on me. What you are, John, is a disloyal opportunist. You claim to buck the trends, when it’s to your advantage. You can play that “independent” crap in the senate, but you’re runnin’ for president right now, boy. There are only two flags on the field, and only one of them can be planted in the Oval Office. So, as fast as you try to run away from me, boy, Ah am right here on your tail. You are a Republican, and don’t you forget it! Now, are you gonna go for mah scheme, or not?
McCAIN: Yes, Mr. President.
BUSH: Heh, heh; that’s what I thought. You are such a pussy cat, John. If Ah had done to anybody else what Ah did to you in South Carolina, he woulda gone off and started his own party—that is, if he had been as much of a maverick as he CLAIMED to be. No, John, when it all comes down to it--and as much as you deny it--you’re right here under the tent of the Grand Old Party. Now, get on along, and Ah’ll see you out there on the campaign trail.
McCAIN: Wait, Mr. President, I don’t need— (Damn, he hung up!) Hey, get those party banners off of the wall—and no more damn telephone calls!