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ABE and BARACK

(President Barack Obama is at his desk in the Oval Office. Suddenly, Abraham Lincoln appears.)

LINCOLN: (Looking around curiously) They’ve gussied it up a bit, but I remember the shape. Whet year is this, and what’s your name?
OBAMA: This is 2009 I’m Barack Hussein Obama.
LINCOLN: Sounds kinda Mohammedan-like. I thought they made ‘em all take American names.
OBAMA: You mean “European.”
LINCOLN: Yeah, yeah, I know the history. How did you keep yours?
OBAMA: My father was from Kenya.
LINCOLN: Where’s that?
OBAMA: It’s a country in Africa.
LINCOLN: You’re supposed to be American-born. Did they change the Constitution?
OBAMA: No, my mother was a White lady from Kansas; and I was born in Hawaii.
LINCOLN: Now, where the hell is THAT? I thought you said they didn’t change the Constitution.
OBAMA: Not about that. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
LINCOLN: It’s all too confusing. Let’s go back to the time I signed the proclamation.
OBAMA: Well, that wasn’t as altruistic as they made it out to be. It only freed the slaves still in rebel hands.
LINCOLN: When the war started, emancipation was the last thing on my mind. How did they free the rest of them?
OBAMA: They did change the Constitution in that regard—the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments. That covered voting and citizenship, too.
LINCOLN: So, the reconstruction went smoothly, huh?
OBAMA: Not on your life—or whatever. You would not believe the mess Johnson made of that. They eventually impeached him, but one vote saved his presidency.
LINCOLN: The last thing I remember is somebody breaking into our box at the theater.
OBAMA: That was John Wilkes Booth. He was the head of a conspiracy that was bent on punishing your administration. They wera all caught an strung up—including a woman.
LINCOLN: I had no idea the South was so het up to destroy the Union. I tried to bluff ‘em out by re-stocking Fort Sumter, but they called me on it and sent in cannon from Charleston Harbor, and those were the first licks.
OBAMA: Was there a strategy behind McClellan’s reticence to engage?
LINCOLN: He was nothing more than a superficial martinet, a popinjay in uniform.
OBAMA: When did you decide to call in Grant?
LINCOLN: I set to learnin’ a little generalin’ on my own. Then I knew I was gonna need the hardest drinkin’, stubbonest sonofabitch who could straddle a horse.
OBAMA: When did it hit you that you were in a last-man-standing, all-out dog fight to the death?
LINCOLN: I think it was at Gettysburg. I jotted down some thoughts about what those fellas had done in Philadelphia, how it was up to those of us remaining to see the experiment through.
OBAMA: Did you give Sherman carte blanche to do what he did?
LINCOLN: To a certain extent. I knew he had to convince the South that to continue was futile. We managed to keep Grant restrained all the way to Georgia. But, when he crossed the South Carolina border, northward, he unleashed his men on those he blamed for starting the whole darn thing. By the way, what did you do before coming here?
OBAMA: I was the junior senator from Illinois.
LINCOLN: I thought you were born somewhere else?
OBAMA: In an offshore territory that became a state. It was like your having been born in Kentucky and going to live in Illinois.
LINCOLN: Junior senator, huh? What made you so cocky to think you could make it this far?
OBAMA: Well, I figured if I started out from Springfield, why not?
(They both laugh.)
LINCOLN: Of course, you didn’t do it by yourself. As it was with me, some people are able to see things in certain individuals that most folks don’t have. As far as the others are concerned, you wouldn’t believe some of the things they called me.
OBAMA: Oh, yes I would! That’s one of the things that kept me going—knowing what you went through.
LINCOLN: Well, at least you won’t have to put the Union back together.
OBAMA: Not exactly. The United States is now the world’s leader. During the past eight years, we have eroded the good relations we had build up all around the world. We are beset with a suicidal group of individuals bent upon destroying the United States and the modern world. To exacerbate that, we have entered into a war of choice--intending to dominate a complete region of the world—while engaged in another war out of necessity. Our ground forces and equipment have been over-utilized to the point of jeopardizing future emergency needs. Fortunately, our naval and—you will not understand this—“air” strength remain world class. Recently, we underwent a financial collapse that affected the whole world’s economic systems.
LINCOLN: That’s a little hard to take in, but I get the idea it’s not gonna be a picknick for you, either.
OBAMA: No, but thank you, Mr. President, for leaving those words you uttered at Gettysburg. They have sustained us.
LINCOLN: And, thank you, Mr. President, for confirming the faith I had in the system and our people.

(Presidnet Obama awakes from his short nap, still under the tremendous weight of his acquired responsibilities. However, he notices a tangible lift in his spirits, and an added ability to sustain the tremendous onus of his awful burden.)

You are quite a prolific writer Curtis.