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(Dr. Laura Schlessinger is being interviewed by an African American reporter.)

REPORTER: Good evening, Dr. Schlessinger.

DR. LAURA: Good evening.

REPORTER: I understand you have decided to end your radio program in December.

DR. LAURA: That is correct.

REPORTER: Does it have anything to do with your recurrent use of the “N” word with a caller?

DR. LAURA: What “N” word?

REPORTER: THE “N” word.

DR. LAURA: I know lots of “N” words. As a matter of fact, my whole program is composed of words, and many of them are words that begin with the letter “N”. You will have to be more specific for me to be able to help you in this. How in the world do you expect me to sort through all the words that flow across my microphone, and pick out just the words that begin with “N”? My Lord; there’s, “nice, nuance and neverending… Is it one of those?

REPORTER: We can come back to that, Dr. Schlessinger. It is also reported that you turned the initials of a venerable service organization into a verb, and used it in an offensive way.

DR. LAURA: What is this – a grammar inquisition? Of course, I use verbs, nouns, adjectives, and the rest of the various parts of speech. To which of the many verbs I use are you referring?

REPORTER: It is reported you said to a caller, “Don’t N - double A - C - P me.”

DR. LAURA: So?

REPORTER: Some find that racially insensitive.

DR. LAURA: That has nothing to do with race. I was referring to the National Association for the Advancement of Coddled People.

REPORTER: “…Coddled People”?

DR. LAURA: Yes. They go around protecting people in all walks of life. These are people who – like the Romany Gypsies – are always looking for advantages, but never seem to want to join the mainstream of society.

REPORTER: You mean, the Gypsies who were among the 12 million people who were singled out by the Nazis for extermination?

DR. LAURA: The Nazis exterminated 6 million Jews.

REPORTER: There were 12 million people, total, including Gypsies, homosexuals, intellectuals and the handicapped. But, we digress. Who are these, “coddled” people to whom you refer?

DR. LAURA: They have been with us since before the Revolution. We brought them into this land and gave them meaningful work, but they never seemed to want to venture out on their own. They just lazed about the plantation all day long. We had to feed them and clothe them – and they never wanted to go to school. Then, after that guy Lincoln started meddling in the South’s business, the put-upon plantation owners had to push them away and urge them to be more responsible. It did not work; many of them just hung around – and never tried to join society. Lots of them went up North and just got in the way up there. So, about 100 years ago, this organization comes along and claimed they were a special class. They got involved with the Communists and the Liberals, and eventually the Supreme Court got into the act. Now, these coddled people, who never wanted to be a part of American life, have pretty much taken over our politics. And, I – for one – am damned tired of it!

REPORTER: Perhaps we can now re-address the “N” word?

DR. LAURA: Are we back on that grammar train again? Do you mean, “nuisance, newborn, negative…?

REPORTER: Thank you, Dr. Schlessinger. I appreciate your cooperation.

DR. LAURA: You are quite welcome.

(The reporter leaves.

DR. LAURA: (Looking dumbfounded)  That Nigger must be crazy!